Lolly Doctor is now in session. GPs far and wide: ask your questions.
Dear Lolly,
I’m a GP in Adelaide and like many of my colleagues I spend a lot of my time completing pointless paperwork. At seven o’clock in the evening, after missing my daughter’s concert, I thought to myself, I didn’t go through all this training just to give patients permission to attend their local Zumba class! I’m becoming increasingly demoralised. What should I do?
Yours,
Dr Debra Jenkins
Dear Debs,
Is Zumba still a thing? Anyway, why don’t you put all that lovely paper together into one great big pile and have a good old chew. There’s nothing quite like seeing tattered scraps of paper soaring into the air to make your heart sing. I know my owner, who’s a GP himself, loved it when I chewed up one of his reports, he got onto his knees, went bright red and made a sort of weird laughing noise. At least I think he was laughing.
OK, you don’t get paid to tear up a work cover report with your teeth, but at least you’ll have a lot of fun! And you can always piss on it too!
I hope this helps.
Lolly.
Dear Lolly,
Practically every patient of mine that’s been to see a psychiatrist has come back with a diagnosis of ADHD. And to make matters worse I’m then asked to do all the hard work by starting them on stimulant medication. What’s going on?
Dr David Winters
Dear Davo,
There’s a Labradoodle called Connie three doors down from me who’s on the gear. She barks all day long, buries everything in sight and won’t leave her asshole alone. It’s her family I feel sorry for. I think they may have started her on some kind of sedative though because last time I saw her, her eyes had gone and she’d stopped burying socks. Anyway, Australians sure love their stimulants, especially if they dig holes all day long or drive a 60-ton truck for a living.
I hope this helps
Lolly
Dear Lolly.
I’m the only female doctor at my practice and I’m always running behind. My patients often present with a complex mixture of physical, psychological and social problems that can’t be sorted out with a five minute consultation and a simple script.
I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed, unappreciated and burnt out.
What should I do?
Dr Elizabeth Wells
Dear Betty,
I feel for you hun, I really do. But if I didn’t maintain boundaries around Connie – the Labradoodle meth-head – she’d be all over my asshole like a rash. I keep my distance, I only meet and greet her in the park, never at her house, and I never ever respond to her emails.
I hope this helps
Lolly
Dear Lolly,
I work at an urgent care centre and I can’t help thinking that it’s been hurriedly put together to make a political point rather than to solve a genuine health need. There’s a real patient safety issue and I’m thinking of resigning, what should I do?
Dr Jaswinder Kaur
Dear Jaz,
My owner, who’s a GP, has trained me to snarl every time I see a picture of Mark Butler. He’s even made a cardboard cutout of Mark’s face and glued it to a stick, and every time that bad boy pops up from behind a door or a sofa I go pure werewolf. If all the mini-Schnauzers in Australia were trained to do the same thing we would have a collective movement on our hands and things like urgent care centres would be a thing of the past – replaced by a well funded, well staffed general practice. Now wouldn’t that be something!
I hope this helps.
Lolly.
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